I’m asked, “how and why are you single?”
Thoughts swirling around in my head. “F* if I know” 😊
But part of me does know why. I have had some exciting, crazy, awkward, sad (insert word) times. But what has love looked like for me? There was my 1st love which was sweet and innocent; and often I wonder how life is treating him. In my late 20s I fell hard, and let’s just say I learned a lot.
I was in a relationship for about 4 years. Our connection was solid, we had great times while the not so fun times ended up taking hold of the relationship. There were times of manipulation and dishonestly. In time the efforts and respect I put into the relationship were not reciprocated. My intention is not to bad mouth the relationship, but at the end of the day my worth was compromised. I lost myself. This was certainly a chapter in my life that didn’t have a happy ending.
I felt defeated. Once you dedicate yourself to someone you are going to do anything to make things happen. I saw a lot of good in this guy, I just don’t think he saw it in himself? Sometimes the writing is on the walls, but you still feel like you can make it through the rough waters. The hardest thing is to face the dreaded truth that it’s not meant to be; the relationship was slowly killing my happiness.
I have realized the importance of defining your own kind of happiness. So often, I think we are looking for relationships to create happiness. Don’t get me wrong, someone can certainly enhance your happiness, but you set that foundation within yourself. Own it! Be happy with yourself, and if you aren’t; work at it. Oh gosh, that can be so hard at times. I feel like I have had to reset over and over, reminding myself “you’ve got this … make yourself happy”.
And that’s it my friends, I have been taking a deep look in the mirror to figure out my happiness. Sometimes I’m a hot mess! The struggle has been real. I often reflect with some harsh feelings, but value this past relationship. I gained the courage to say good-bye and found my own kind of happiness. I often think my dad was sending me a message, the 1-year anniversary of his passing was the day of the breakup. Ironic? I do believe in signs. 😊
‘Jess’ tell me what you think, have you defined your happiness? Or am I completely out of my mind?
At this point, I like who I’ve become and am Happy.
And now I don’t really know why I’m single 😉
